What Happened to 100DOFF? (The Honest Truth)
So, this is not exactly a fun blog post to write. In fact, that’s a huge understatement. I have now literally recorded 5 videos and written 2 full blog posts… all seven of these attempts to explain what’s going on have been terminated last second on my behalf, due completely to fear, embarrassment, and guilt.
There’s no structure to this or plan, so I hope you’ll excuse the free form writing. This blog post is my attempt to explain why you haven’t seen or heard anything from me in over three months, especially after all the excitement I tried to foster around the upcoming 100DOFF workbook and the exclusive Food Freedom journey group. I’ll try my best to be thorough without being overly dramatic. Alright, let’s dive in.
A truncated wrap-up of this year’s changes
A ton has happened so far this year. At the start of February, I was happily working as both a nutrition coach and a counselor/diet tech at a residential eating disorder treatment center. I was on my final month of a year-long Precision Nutrition Level 2 masterclass coaching certification, I was highly active with 100DOFF (in terms of blogging, reaching out, marketing, and even speaking), and I was moving into a minor promotion I got at one of my jobs.
Well, by the end of February, for personal reasons that aren’t necessary to delve into for the purposes of this article, I was out of both of those jobs. I had voluntarily left my coaching practice, hoping to move towards a full-time position at the treatment center. That didn’t end up being the case, leaving me totally jobless and uncertain about how to move forward.
I picked up some rideshare and grocery delivery gigs to rake in enough cash to get by, and I tried to keep up with blogging and outreach. But the truth is that I was burning out and running out of passion. And now that I was no longer working in the eating disorder treatment field, unable to land any jobs in the same field, I felt depressed and hopeless about my future here. I was so sincerely excited and motivated to make a change that I inadvertently had put all my eggs in one basket and asked way too much of myself. I think that’s what led to this feeling of hopelessness and discouragement.
Changing tides in April
After tons and tons of rejection letters and some acceptance letters to jobs I couldn’t swallow my pride enough to stoop down to, I finally got a call back on one of the top prospects I had in mind. So, by the end of April, I began my training to become an assistant manager at a health-based store (I’ll omit the store title and any other details, just to keep that out of this personal article).
While it was awesome landing this position, especially since I had increasingly wanted to take on a managerial role, it did also solidify this distancing from the ED world I spoke of earlier. Alongside this change in job status, I also was just generally at an all time low in terms of passion for this field and any sort of creative energy.
As the weeks, and eventually months, moved on, the increasingly infrequent emails and messages I got from people asking for help or just asking about what was happening with 100DOFF started to become emotionally painful to read. I found myself ignoring them, not out of disinterest but actual emotional turmoil. Every email, every comment about how I went from “a published author to an Uber driver,” it all hurt so much to look at.
And the honest truth is that these wounds are still open. I still feel overwhelmed with guilt and self-disappointment about it all. I feel like I went from being on this track that meant so much to me and could potentially help some people become free from their disordered thoughts to devoting all my time to things completely unrelated.
I now commute over an hour to work each way, rendering over 55 hours of my week occupied constantly with work and driving. And by the time I get home from work or get a day off, I’m too tired to even think about writing a blog post or working on a workbook.
As awful as this is to write and as much as it pains me to do so, I promised myself I’d be honest here and the honest truth is this: I can no longer commit to any sort of contributions to the eating disorder recovery world. I recognize 100DOFF was always a small operation and never blew up into anything super popular, but for those who took something from it and feel like I’ve given up on them, I just hope you can take from this mess of an article that the problem is with me, not you.
So, what now?
I will be keeping the site up for at least another year, and I may even sporadically post brief articles or record video snippets. But, for the most part, 100DOFF is not going to be what it once was. I so wish I had the emotional strength and resilience to keep up with this all and fight through these feelings and this situation, but unfortunately I don’t, and trying to force it would only make it that much harder to recover from. Just as I’d hope you all would do in your respective recovery journeys, I recognize when it’s more beneficial for me to take a step back and take care of myself than to keep pushing through.
I would be remiss not to mention my overflowing gratitude for everyone who has followed along and shown support for 100DOFF. From fans who have reached out to me time and time again to former clients to other ED recovery-based influencers, I could not be more grateful for the impact you’ve made in my life and the care and support you’ve shown me, if even just in small ways.
I appreciate your understanding and wish the best for all of you.